Well today went less than amazing! I had been revising non stop all weekend so it wasn't as if I didn't know the stuff!
It started with English Literature, this one I was thinking i should do alright in since i have revised a lot for it! I was told in previous lessons that I was only meant to answer one of the two questions, I was told when i got into the exam i was only meant to answer one question and it said on the paper, only answer one question. So what did I do, I answered both questions. Not realizing until I had got out I was already annoyed because i had forgotten to write a conclusion, but when my friend tells me that i had done it wrong, well I was annoyed.
who does that! who is stupid enough to not remember, ONLY DO ONE QUESTION? clearly me!
so yeah for the rest of the day I felt as if i was an idiot and on top of that, i felt like i have let everyone down who thought I would do good. My next exam was RE and this one I didn't know at all! and since i had just ruined the exam I thought I should do well in, i wasn't expecting much from it! Since it was RE i just wrote my opinions and that was about it so have probably failed that one too.
next it was time for Geog the exam I really should do well in because im normally alright in it, but what did I do, got in there and froze. I couldn't answer half of the paper. So yeah today has been a waste of my time! Im so annoyed with my self! and feel so bad!
Monday, 3 December 2012
Friday, 30 November 2012
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
A letter everyday...
I know what I'm going to do now. I am going to write down my feelings in a letter for you everyday. Explaining everything! how I feel. Im not going to give you the letters until I can pull myself away from you.
I see you everyday but I still miss you. I see you everyday, but you don't see me, at least not in the same way anymore. I see you everyday, but its not enough. This is my way of saying whats been going on, but not telling anyone. My way of letting you know I how I feel, without saying it to your face.
Only when I know I will never see you again, will I give you my letters. I don't want to feel like this anymore, it's the best feeling in the world but it hurts so bad. If when you read my letters you feel the same then come and find me, but if you don't, just leave it, don't ask me why, let it be over, no goodbyes!
I see you everyday but I still miss you. I see you everyday, but you don't see me, at least not in the same way anymore. I see you everyday, but its not enough. This is my way of saying whats been going on, but not telling anyone. My way of letting you know I how I feel, without saying it to your face.
Only when I know I will never see you again, will I give you my letters. I don't want to feel like this anymore, it's the best feeling in the world but it hurts so bad. If when you read my letters you feel the same then come and find me, but if you don't, just leave it, don't ask me why, let it be over, no goodbyes!
Emotions
Firstly, I have to say sorry for keep talking about the same kind of subjects, but hopefully this will be the last time.
I find it difficult to show other people my emotions, well to show people anyway. I panic in situations and just tend to laugh when i cant think of anything else to say. I normally will smile, so that when i am upset, no one knows. I don't like people asking how i am because it makes me think about it more, so i just smile when i am with people. It may seem weird me saying that i don't like talking about my emotions because all i seem to do is write about them on here, but this is just a way of saying things without people talking to me about it face-to-face.
When I am upset, even when I want to talk to people about it, face-to-face I just cant get the fact i am upset over to them because i just tend to keep smiling, so people automatically assume that im not that upset and it doesn't matter.
How can I get my feeling across to people, face-to-face?
I find it difficult to show other people my emotions, well to show people anyway. I panic in situations and just tend to laugh when i cant think of anything else to say. I normally will smile, so that when i am upset, no one knows. I don't like people asking how i am because it makes me think about it more, so i just smile when i am with people. It may seem weird me saying that i don't like talking about my emotions because all i seem to do is write about them on here, but this is just a way of saying things without people talking to me about it face-to-face.
When I am upset, even when I want to talk to people about it, face-to-face I just cant get the fact i am upset over to them because i just tend to keep smiling, so people automatically assume that im not that upset and it doesn't matter.
How can I get my feeling across to people, face-to-face?
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
getting my feelings out!
Right i am going to use this as a way of getting my feelings about today out of my system, so don't worry if you have no idea what i am saying and what it means. I dont think people normally understand me anyway so it wont make much of a change aha!
So, for the past few weeks i have been thinking about a situation in my head that i would like to happen to me. OK so this is weird i know, but im pretty sure im not the only one who does this aha. Today what i was thinking about happens but not in the way I expected!
Anyway there is more to the story, and this is were things start to get super confusing, esp for you lot!
right well, so this has happened today and its what i imagined but like its not me, it didn't happen to me but someone i know. This is why i am upset/annoyed, its like what i think, i want to happen to me, and it happens exactly how i imagined it but not to me! how is that fair aha, its just weird! so strange!
it was as if it happened just so i knew it wouldn't happen with me! as if i was being told to drop my feelings because someone else is getting what I want and that I couldn't have what i used to have.
when it happened all i felt was my stomach, i know it sounds stupid but i felt sick! the first thing i thought was, WHAT! how can this of happened, how did i not know this was happening. I felt like nothing, that i didn't mean anything. All i want to do now is listen to sad music, (when im sad i listen to sad music:L) i don't know why i do that, but it helps, drowning my sorrows in song aha:L
when i write this all down i feel even worse, not only because it wasn't me! but because i feel bad and upset by it, i know it doesn't make sense but i let it happen, i made it happen, i said no to it being me, so how can i be upset because it wasn't me? but whats worse of all, is no one else knows and i cant talk to anyone about it, no one will understand so i am glad i can just write a load of shit on here!
I wish I could turn back time and change my mind! this would have never happened, I wouldn't feel like this, and it would be me, just like i imagined it!
So, for the past few weeks i have been thinking about a situation in my head that i would like to happen to me. OK so this is weird i know, but im pretty sure im not the only one who does this aha. Today what i was thinking about happens but not in the way I expected!
Anyway there is more to the story, and this is were things start to get super confusing, esp for you lot!
right well, so this has happened today and its what i imagined but like its not me, it didn't happen to me but someone i know. This is why i am upset/annoyed, its like what i think, i want to happen to me, and it happens exactly how i imagined it but not to me! how is that fair aha, its just weird! so strange!
it was as if it happened just so i knew it wouldn't happen with me! as if i was being told to drop my feelings because someone else is getting what I want and that I couldn't have what i used to have.
when it happened all i felt was my stomach, i know it sounds stupid but i felt sick! the first thing i thought was, WHAT! how can this of happened, how did i not know this was happening. I felt like nothing, that i didn't mean anything. All i want to do now is listen to sad music, (when im sad i listen to sad music:L) i don't know why i do that, but it helps, drowning my sorrows in song aha:L
when i write this all down i feel even worse, not only because it wasn't me! but because i feel bad and upset by it, i know it doesn't make sense but i let it happen, i made it happen, i said no to it being me, so how can i be upset because it wasn't me? but whats worse of all, is no one else knows and i cant talk to anyone about it, no one will understand so i am glad i can just write a load of shit on here!
I wish I could turn back time and change my mind! this would have never happened, I wouldn't feel like this, and it would be me, just like i imagined it!
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
If I could....
Have you ever wanted to do something so bad but not had the confidence to?
I feel this all the time! here is the list of things I've always wanted to do, but never been able to....
- Slap someone round the face:L
- Sing a love song on stage to the man I love and only he knows im singing directly to him
- dance on a table
- set the fire alarm off at school
- go on the x-factor
- read in front of a class
These things may sound stupid to you, but its what i really would want the confidence to do! I do have to admit that they are not very realistic since I can't sing or read aha(:
what things have you always wanted to do?
comment back(:
I feel this all the time! here is the list of things I've always wanted to do, but never been able to....
- Slap someone round the face:L
- Sing a love song on stage to the man I love and only he knows im singing directly to him
- dance on a table
- set the fire alarm off at school
- go on the x-factor
- read in front of a class
These things may sound stupid to you, but its what i really would want the confidence to do! I do have to admit that they are not very realistic since I can't sing or read aha(:
what things have you always wanted to do?
comment back(:
Friday, 16 November 2012
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