getting my feelings out!

Right i am going to use this as a way of getting my feelings about today out of my system, so don't worry if you have no idea what i am saying and what it means. I dont think people normally understand me anyway so it wont make much of a change aha!

So, for the past few weeks i have been thinking about a situation in my head that i would like to happen to me. OK so this is weird i know, but im pretty sure im not the only one who does this aha. Today what i was thinking about happens but not in the way I expected!
Anyway there is more to the story, and this is were things start to get super confusing, esp for you lot!
right well, so this has happened today and its what i imagined but like its not me, it didn't happen to me but someone i know. This is why i am upset/annoyed, its like what i think, i want to happen to me, and it happens exactly how i imagined it but not to me! how is that fair aha, its just weird! so strange!
it was as if it happened just so i knew it wouldn't happen with me! as if i was being told to drop my feelings because someone else is getting what I want and that I couldn't have what i used to have.

when it happened all i felt was my stomach, i know it sounds stupid but i felt sick! the first thing i thought was, WHAT! how can this of happened, how did i not know this was happening. I felt like nothing, that i didn't mean anything. All i want to do now is listen to sad music, (when im sad i listen to sad music:L)  i don't know why i do that, but it helps, drowning my sorrows in song aha:L

when i write this all down i feel even worse, not only because it wasn't me! but because i feel bad and upset by it, i know it doesn't make sense but i let it happen, i made it happen, i said no to it being me, so how can i be upset because it wasn't me? but whats worse of all, is no one else knows and i cant talk to anyone about it, no one will understand so i am glad i can just write a load of shit on here!

I wish I could turn back time and change my mind! this would have never happened, I wouldn't feel like this, and it would be me, just  like i imagined it!