Weight

This is yet another topic given to me to talk about and for me, one I am interested in. Weight is something I think about every day, it is normal for me to plan out how much I should eat around how much I weight. I always think about it and worry about it, there is no getting anyway from it. I weigh myself three times a day to see if I have gained any weight, which when I say it out loud is a stupid thing to do, but if I don’t do it I get really panicky! In my mind this is something completely normal, but when I think about it, I realise, ok maybe this isn’t normal, normal people don’t think about their weight this much! But still I carry on because I feel like I have to.  I have always been uncomfortable about my body and how much I weigh because I used to be really quite heavy! And I was told it a lot as a kid! Not only was I told that I was fat, what seemed to be all the time to me, but when I saw magazines and adverts everyone else seemed to be really thin, meaning I began to think I was even bigger!

My weight and I’m sure a lot of other peoples weight is constantly scrutinized by what people think they should look like and what people think they should look like is based on, well based on for me, what I think everyone else looks like. So when I pick up a magazines or see pictures of celebs I automatically think that is normal and that is one of the reasons why I feel that I am even fatter than I had of originally thought. I know magazines use ridiculously thin models to try and sell the clothes, but I’m getting to the point where in my mind I don’t just want to be as small as them, but I want to be smaller! I know that, that sounds stupid! And I sound like I need a slap because it is out of order but I only think that for myself. One of my friends is about to go on a diet and to me it is stupid because she is a perfect size! Beautiful! She is really thin, but not like disgustingly thin, so I don’t understand why she would be saying this! I would kill for a body like hers. If she said to me I want to be a size 0, I would be like that’s not good! I would see that it is not healthy for her to be that weight, but as soon as I put it back on me, I don’t see anything wrong with it!

On what I have, I do not want to offend anyone, or say the wrong thing; this is why I haven’t said anything like this before! And anyone who doesn’t know me and for those that do, there is no need to worry because I am not anywhere near too thin, so it’s fine!

I personally think that magazines and bullies who have ever called anyone FAT should be ashamed with themselves because they do not know what is does to the person you are talking to. Although I am not anorexic or even ‘too thin’ what is shown in magazines has affected me, so much so that every day I think about losing weight and although it doesn’t seem to be happening for me, for other people becoming anorexic is a sad truth about what has happened to them because of the perception that thin is beautiful!

I will be the first person to stand up and say curves are brilliant, they are hot! They look much better than just a stick and I am saying this and believing it, honestly and I do want to be curvy, but when I look at myself, I’m not curvy, I’m just fat!  People may say to me that I’m not, but all I think is well they are not going to say well you could do with losing some weight Ellie.

I have become so uncomfortable in my own body I just can’t imagine what some people have to go through! People who have been affected by the wrong perception that ‘thin is beautiful’ and are coming out the other side I commend so much and I am proud to call you my friend, I just want to say quickly, hopefully without upsetting her too much, and I’m not going to say your Name but you know who you are! I am so proud at how well you have done so far! You are so strong and I just want you to continue getting better because your my best friend and I couldn’t be without you in my life! Love you!

I want magazines to only show pictures of models that are a six 8 and up! Preferably the up^ because I do not want anyone to go through what some people have to go through because they feel like these girls in the magazines are beautiful, let me just say that they are not! And I want to speak to every single girl right now when I say, no matter what you look like, what size you are, you ARE beautiful and shouldn’t change just because the magazines say that super skinny is nice!

I believe what I have said 100% but for me I just think I would be a lot nicer if I lose a little bit more weight. I will not take it too far but I am so sorry for anyone I have affected over the years with my losing weight obsession! I feel so bad, if I have made people think about their weight because it isn’t a big deal so I would like to say sorry. Especially to the people who really did not need to know what I think about myself!

I wish I had never seen the magazines or listened to the people who ever called me fat because I wouldn’t be in this situation now!

                                                    

This is the type of body girls should aspire to! not some thin model in a magazine!