Student/Teacher relationships

I want to talk about student/teacher relationships because they are always shown in a negative way and I don't also think they should be.

I know that not many people will agree with me, but I don't think that all teachers that have relationships with students are paedophiles, or that the relationships are always wrong.

I've always been told that student/ teacher relationships are wrong, that the teacher is a paedophile and have groomed these students. I guess I have just accepted it, but recently after thinking about it I have grown to realize that this is not ALWAYS the case. People have always told me that it is wrong for many reasons, that teachers are abusing their position as a trusted adult in these students’ lives, and yes I can see how they are not doing what they are meant to do, but does that mean that it is wrong? If the teacher is using their position in the students life to groom them and make them believe that they love them, when the only reason they are doing it is because they are attracted to the age of the student, then yes I agree it is wrong, but what I’m saying is I don't think ALL student/teacher relationships happen because of these actions from the teacher.

Don't misunderstand me, the grooming of a student from a teacher, by using their position as the student’s teacher IS WRONG! But all I’m saying is sometimes, just sometimes, when a student/teacher relationship happens, it isn't because of the grooming of the student, but because the couple genuinely love each other for reasons that age does not come into it! Teachers are put under a lot of pressure when they are attracted to a student, because of the general public opinion about why they are attracted to a student. People straight away assume that it’s because they are paedophiles, but what if the attraction that the teacher has for the pupil is not because of the age of the student, but merely because they like the person for the person. Love isn't something you choose to feel, you can't choose who you fall in love with or why, you shouldn't judge people on their skin colour, or their religion, so what gives you the right to say that their relationship is wrong because of their ages?

Age gaps between what is regarded as 'normal couples' is seen to be weird, a common phrase being ' he is old enough to be your father'. What I want to do is fight this general opinion, people say that love is UN conditional-without conditions- so why would you say oh oh, but I can’t love you because you are too young, or you are too old. No, love doesn't work like that; you can help who you TRULY love, so I don't think it is fair to judge people who are in relationships where there are big age gaps because they can’t help it! I say well on them for going for it, not caring about what people might think or say and doing something for them. Age is just a number, it shouldn't be a factor that decides whether you give a relationship a shot or not. I think that the public are too quick in judging that the teacher is a paedophile when a student/teacher relationship happens. This is what I want to change!

This relates to my point that not all teacher/student relationships should be seen as wrong because of the age gap between the couple. It is the same as couples with big age gaps in a way because one of the reasons people think it is wrong is because of the age gap, teacher, being the students elder should not have a relationship because 'they are older enough to be your dad'. My opinion is that in some situations, the genuine attraction TO THE PERSON FOR THE PERSON, the student is the right person but at the wrong time. If the couple, the teacher and student, had met under different circumstances, people would still say that the relationship was wrong because of the age gap, and as I have said above, why are age gaps important? Therefore this would mean that it is not necessarily only because the couple is a teacher and a student.

Allot of TV programs have portrayed student/teacher relationships in different ways. Take pretty little liars for example, the characters Ezra Fitz, being the English teacher and Aria Montgomery, the student, meet and our immediately attracted to each other, they meet for the first time before either of them realize that he will shortly be becoming her teacher and before he knows her age. This shows that the relationship was not based on her age, showing the audience that he is not a paedophile and that their relationship is genuine. The audience gets to see their relationship throughout and therefore does not end up rejecting it and thinking it is wrong, in fact the audience tend to want this relationship to carry on and develop. This just proves my point that IF the relationship between the student and teacher is genuine, why would people have a problem with it? just because people don't know what happens behind closed doors means that it leave space for assumptions to happen and in my opinion this is where the assumption that all student/ teacher relationships occur because of grooming.

Some student/ teacher relationships are genuine and that assumption should not happen because it ruins lives!

I'm not stupid! I realize that the majority of student/teacher relationships are carried out by paedophiles and in my opinion this is because of the public opinion that it is wrong. my reasoning for thinking this is because paedophiles who are attracted to students because of their age have an erdge to act on those feelings and therefore will probably do so, where are teachers realize the public opinion that the attraction they have for their student is wrong and also because of this may think that what they are feeling is in fact wrong, they know not to react to the attraction because of the consequences that they might face if people find out.

I personally feel sorry for teachers and students who have feelings for each and either has to hide their relationship, or does not start the relationship because they are in fear of what people might say and think of them. This however is only the case if the feeling is not due to age or grooming of the student.

I understand that a teacher and student relationship is not ideal because it could get messy, due to the fact the teacher has to still teach this student without any added emotions showing. This is because as a teacher to all of the students, he/she has a responsibility to give every single one of those students the SAME chance of doing well, which therefore means not favouring one student above another. I say this as one of the only things about a student teacher relationship that may be a bit confusing, but I don't think it necessarily makes it WRONG! This is because this situation could happen if the teacher was your parent, they are bound to give you an advantage over the other students even if not on purpose. Therefore my suggestion would be to get the student to switch classes for that subject, only to avoid inconvenience.

deciding whether the teacher had only genuine feelings for the student as a person not a number, I accept would be a difficult challenge and I am not saying we should allow student/teacher relationships to just happen, but I don't think we, the general public should be so quick to decide that a teacher who has a relationship with a pupil is a paedophile, or to say that the student has been abused because in some situations, these are genuine relationship that deserve respect, whatever your view on the matter!

Not ALL teachers with feelings for students are pedophiles!